Thursday, August 21, 2008

Starting a band...

Slipknot are probably (secretly) grateful to Morné Harmse. Well, okay... let me clarify. They are grateful for the publicity they have received. Probably not so much in light of the fact that their name is connected with a samurai sword killing.

Exactly what possessed the "thin and skinny" 18-year-old Harmse to do take a full-blooded swipe at Jacques Pretorius's neck with a "blunt" samurai sword? A number of people say it's Satanism. Others say it's the band Slipknot.

Lead screamer of the band Corey Taylor this week rejected claims that the band is to blame. He was quoted in Blender: "Obviously, I'm disturbed by the fact that people were hurt and someone died. As far as my responsibility for that goes, it stops there, because I know our message is actually very positive."

Okay, pardon my ignorance... but does this evoke positive feelings in you?

Taylor continues, "You have something like this happen, it could have been Marilyn Manson, it could have been any number of people who make art that is startling visually, on the darker side. It could've been Pat Boone, for Christ's sake. At the end of the day, there are always going to be mental disorders and people who cause violence for no other reason than the fact that they're f*cked up and lost. And all we can do is try to learn from it."

Okay, granted... there are mental disorders. But seriously... how can a bunch of mommy's boys veiled in black and dressed up in Hannibal Lector masks say that their whole vibe will not influence a guy like Morné?

Fine, it can be argued that a kid with self-esteem issues is not their responsibility or that he's not their "target market".

Anyway, enough of that.

I'd like to let you all know I'm gonna start a band. We're gonna buy V-shaped electric guitars, trenchcoats and eyeliner. We'll use the money we save from not going to the hairdresser for 6 months and living in our beat-up Volkswagen Beatle. In order to be relevant to the young market - you know, guys like Morné Harmse who aren't in the "in-crowd" - we'll write lyrics that they can identify with. There must be tons of those kind of kids around - kids who don't fit in. We may have to scream occasionally, because that's cool and that's what kids can identify with in their emotionally-beat up state. We'll slate off the government, societal structures and all the other boneheads who keep making stupid decisions.

Kids will love us. They'll dress like us, scream our tunes and come to all the gigs. They'll get what we're saying and we'll get what they saying - like All Hope Is Gone and Psychosocial.

We'll become this Grammy-award winning group and once we achieve that, we can say what we want. We'll use phrases like "the devil is among us" and "the hell is humongous". Our fans, who listen - like, really listen - to our music, will understand. They'll get what we're saying. They'll have to think about it, but they'll identify with what we're saying.

You'll always have the freaks, the pshycos. They won't get it. The guys in the media won't get it either - they never get anything. Our fans will understand why we dress the way we do, why we sing what we sing, why we do what we do on stage and how we act to get a point across.

If people blame us for some kid acting out of turn, we'll tell them to **** off. What do they know anyway. We don't need them. We've got our fans. The rest of the world can go to hell. We don't care.

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